It was one cold December night in 2005. Fitzy was at a "college" party with his hick friends. He had one beer ("brewsky" as Fitzy calls them) and gathered around his friends as they unnecessarily took off their shirts and played Cornhole. Fitzy made an attempt at a he-haw-like laugh, but just screeched his voice like a twelve-year old. He said, "I bet I can get one of those damnin' bean bags in that hole. Give me a chance, Rooster."
Rooster was one of Fitzy's best friends. Fitzy took the bean bag and clung tight in his disgusting, freckled hand. He tossed the bag with all of his might, but through a series of ironic twists and turns, the bean bag flew all the way into a woman's cleavage. Fitzy yelled, "Jackpot honkeys! I got in it her boooooobs." Fizty then pulled down the back end of his Abercrombie and Fitch cargo shorts and farted abruptly into his empty beer can. A couple squirts of liquid shit went all of over his hand.
"Dude," said Rooster pointing at the girl who got "cornholed". "You should go get that girlie's cellular telephone number, Fitz." Our hero nodded to Rooster and walked up to the girl.
"Hey sexy lady, what's your fucking name? Want a beer-a-two?"
"Uh, hello. My name is Mitzy. Are you the Great Fiery Red that everyone is always talking about?"
"You bet your sweet tasty vaginal lips I'm the man you be lookin' for. Do you like country music? Here's your beer."
Fitzy handed Mitzy a "brewsky" and took the girl over to the area where some hicks were doing keg stands. Everyone squinted their eyes as Fitzy took off his shirt and did a glorious keg stand.
Fitzy started shouting, "Achooga Choo," repeatedly as everyone stared at his awesomeness in sheer silence. "You wanna lick my nipples, bitch? I'm tanked," said Fitzy as he stared exotically in Mitzy's thirteen-year old, blue eyes. Mitzy started to run into the apartment, but Fitzy grabbed the back of her hair and pulled her mouth closely to his freckle-chapped lips. He tongued Mitzy so hard that she almost fainted. He pulled her back away, "How do you like that shit, bitch?"
Mitzy was able to get herself away from Fitzy's creepy clasp and ran into a bedroom. Mitzy locked the door and turned off the lights. She crawled into the corner and cried, asking herself why her God hated her so much. After a few minutes had passed, Mitzy felt a rumbling throughout the floor and walls. A loud revving sound ensued as suddenly an over-sized truck crashed through the wall, like a superfluous scene from "Bad Boys 2". Out of the truck bounced out a small creature. That creature was Brad Fitzgeral!
"Bitch, you gonna learn to love these red hot nipples if it be the last thing I done did," said Fitzy. A girl jumped out of the passenger side in red lingerie. "This is Betzy Fitzgeral, my cousin. Ain't she hotter than a pig on a hot Sunday on the Cumerland Ranch that my Uncle Jim Jam owns."
Fitzy took a giant jack-knife out of his butt crack as him and sister Betzy got butt naked. "Strip bitch."
Mitzy took off her clothes and the threesome continued in the long hours of the repulsive night.
Around 4 AM, Rooster busted into the room and took a picture of the three lovely couple. Rooster laughed uproariously and said in his timely slack-jaw voice, "Bitch, you just got burned by some mighty fine FIRE DICK!!!"
"What do you think Rooster, did I do good," asked Fitzy while flapping his dark red scrotum in the thin air like a beautiful cardinal flapping it's wings.
"That'll do, Fitzy. That'll do."
